A Deadly Combination

In cleaning out my refrigerator tonight, I dumped a mixture of the following 3 ingredients, all in various states of expiredness, into my kitchen sink: red wine, orange juice, milk. It was NOT pretty. Just goes to prove that food shopping every 6 months is too often for me.

I get a LOT of crap in the mail. I honestly don't know how some of these people get my address. Charities I understand - make one donation and you're on everybody's list for life. But the catalogs that I get sometimes boggle my mind. Today, I received the latest catalog from Northern Tool & Equipment. I am not a big user/collector of tools or equipment of any kind; I don't have room in my tiny apartment for anything that can properly be called equipment. This catalog is chock full o' things I wouldn't buy ever. Ever. I'm sure $59.99 is a really great price for a 7" Wet Tile Saw. I don't have wet tile, and if I did, I sure wouldn't saw it myself. And I cannot fathom what I might do with an Air Nibbler (though the description tells me it's "[i]deal for nibbling plastic, tin, aluminum and other metal up to 18-gauge rolled steel."). I must admit, though, had I any plans for Halloween that required a costume (or any plans at all for that matter), I'd seriously consider buying a Gold Android Welding Helmet (of course, the only one I really needed to link to a picture of is not available online currently). I would make that look good!

The science experiment in my sink reminded me of a funny story. I went to summer camp for 8 years, starting as a 9 year old camper, and eventually working m way up to the prestigious position of Kitchen Guy. Kitchen Guy, because a group of my friends and I had reached counselor age, but the camp had too many counselors. Since we were lifers, they created positions for us. I digress. Camp could be a blog in and of itself. Anyway, long story short, the oldest campers always had a "senior trip" each summer, where they went somewhere for 2 or 3 days, which was, of course, a big treat and an opportunity for incredible mischief, sexual and otherwise. Digressing again. One summer, we went . . . somewhere. I really can't remember. Long time ago. But there was this kid who was, to be blunt, not so smart. Took gullible to a new level. Anyway, apparently he and some other people had eaten some sushi for lunch during the trip, and had never had sushi before. Somehow, somebody (wish I could take credit for this) convinced this kid that, upon eating sushi for the first time, one's body chemistry gets all fucked up, something about the acids and bases, and that the only way to restore equilibrium, and avoid getting really ill, is to drink a cup of half milk (base) and half orange juice (acid) within 24 hours of the sushi consumption. The plan - to make this kid drink that awful cocktail - made its way around to EVERYONE on the trip, including those "adults" running the show. Everybody this kid asked confirmed that he was at risk of fucking up his acids and bases if he didn't drink the milk/OJ right quick. So he did. At breakfast the next morning. He made a huge production of it. Best I can recall, it was about 15 seconds after he downed the cup that the entire rest of the room busted out laughing. Not that funny 15 years later, but at the time, it was good stuff.

My lesson learned for the day (and it's not an epiphany, but I got a good reminder): if you're gonna dish it out, you really do need to be able to take it. Pretending you can take it is not always good enough.