On A Lighter Note

Anyone who doesn't read Dan Savage's weekly sex advice column, Savage Love, deserves a beatdown. Savage is hilarious. I'm taking the 5th on whether or not I've ever put anything I read in his column into practice, but it's always worth the read. You can find it on The Onion (from their "AV Club" link), The Village Voice, and probably a hundred other places. I've also read his book, Skipping Towards Gomorrah, which was entertaining, if a bit formulaic. Anyway, Dan (we're now on a first name basis - see below) wrote in his column a few weeks ago that his assistant was leaving to go work at a law firm. Now, I love paralegals and other staff members as much as, if not more than, the next guy [pause for comments]. But the idea of ever leaving a job working for Dan Savage to work at a law firm horrified me. So I thought maybe I could go the other way (no, I don't mean that; I like Dan, but, uh, not in that way, NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT). I would leave my firm and go work for Dan. I sent him an email with my offer. He actually wrote back. How cool? This guy gets grillions of emails a day, most of which are truly interesting and/or freakish and disgusting, and, on top of writing back to people who want to know the safest way to insert their partners' entire heads in their own asses, he took the time to answer my not very creative email seeking employment. Props to Dan - Big Up Yo'Self. Reproduced below are my email and Dan's response. FYI - everyone signs questions to Dan with clever (or, in my case, not) acronyms. While it doesn't appear I'll be joining the Savage Love team, I will continue to be an avid fan.

LiAps's EMail:

Sorry to hear your assistant is leaving. Especially that she's leaving for the cold, cruel world of law firmdom. As a lawyer in a big firm (but one who treats the staff with the utmost respect), I can tell her she's in for some abuse far worse than having to look at fetish sites and filter emails from people who hate Dan Savage (amazing that anyone could). So, here's my proposal: if you can pay me 75% of my current salary, I will quit my job, relocate, and vow to tirelessly research any kind of crazy shit you ask, no matter how revolting I might find it personally. And, Dan, I will do it day in/day out clad only in a Speedo should that be your preference (though I have to tell you, I'm no Ashton Kutcher).

Acronyms Elusive Right Now.

Dan's Response:

dear AERN,
i'm afraid i've changed my mind. i'm not planning on hiring anyone to replace mahrya at the moment. thanks for writing in... xo dan