Can't Live With 'Em -- UPDATED

Why are guys better than women?? Because, in the following "based on a true story" vignette, if my friend/former co-worker were male, rather than female, this story could potentially have a happy ending. I'd bet against it, but at least it would be possible:

Friday night I met a friend/former co-worker for drinks. We were pretty friendly when she worked here, but she left to go to law school, ALA (that's "Against Liaps's Advice"). Met up with her as well as a couple of my friends (who haven't commented here in a while, but may read this. Luckily, they have nothing to do with the story. Oh, except the part where I make fun of them for going home ridiculously early like they ALWAYS DO! So let's just call them . . . I don't know - "The Mant" and his girlfriend "BFL.") So they left, I was hanging out with my used-to-be-from-work friend. Another friend of mine who happens to be The Mant's brother ("Bear" or "Turtle" depending on who you ask) then met up as well, but he's also irrelevant. As it happened, a whole bunch of people with whom the former co-worker went to college happened to be at the same bar. One of whom actually came over and sat with us for a while. And she was hot. Or I was drunker than I thought. But even if not hot, she was at least cute, and seemed nice and friendly. At worst, she was a LiAps special (a girl I'm very attracted to even though I know a lot of other people wouldn't think she meets my rigorous standards). We chatted a bit, but she was obviously more focused on catching up with my co-worker friend. She went back to her group, and me, ex-co-worker, and Bear left to go to another bar to meet up with some more of ex-co-worker's friends. I had every intention of saying to ex-co-worker at some point, "Hey, what's the deal with your friend?" Except, at the next bar, and the bar after that, I ended up spending a fair amount of time talking to one of ex-co-worker's other friends, who, while very nice and fun, didn't quite do it for me. Why, then, you might ask, did we exchange phone numbers?? And why, then, did I agree to take a ride out to her country house in New Jersey with her the very next day?? And why, then, when I called her to bail on that ride, using the very legitimate and true excuse that my grandmother was coming into the city for dinner and I hadn't seen her in 3 months, did I say, "But I'll call you during the week and we'll figure something out??" The alcohol, perhaps??

See, if ex-co-worker were a guy, I could say, "Yeah, I know I took the number of friend 2, and she seemed nice, but I really want to find out the deal with friend 1." Can't do that with a girl, can I? That would make me a dick. So now I'm gonna have to shoot some noncommittal email to friend 2, because I said I would. You think if I hang out with friend 2 one time and everyone agrees it went poorly, I can go back and try to start over with friend 1? Do you all see now why I'm a horrible, horrible dater??

Speaking of which, blind date last night - friend of a friend of a friend. The following topics were discussed: how much my job sucks and how she leaves hers at 5 every day and has every other Friday off; my worst sports gambling loss of all time (fucking Vancouver Grizzlies!); how every NCAA tournament pool I've ever been in is invariably won by "some girl who, no offense, really doesn't know the first thing about the game;" and my parents' recent remarriage after 15 years of being divorced but nevertheless working in the same office daily for a substantial proportion of those years. I ask again - Do you all see why I'm a horrible, horrible dater??

HOLY RANDOMNESS - Blind date girl and I thought it was a funny coincidence that our dads were both in the same line of work (and we are both from Long Island, though that's no coincidence in NYC). Turns out, after a brief consultation with Papa LiAps, our dads were, in fact, very briefly, very many years ago, partners. My dad said, "Last night wasn't the first time you two have met - you played together as kids." As soon as he said it, I said "There's a picture of that, isn't there?" That's right, somewhere in my mom's archives, is a picture of me and blind date girl, at approx 2 years of age. And [drum roll]: blind date girl is NOT WEARING A SHIRT! I should be able to blackmail a few more dates out of her if I so desire. Talk about small world.