Monday, May 02, 2005

Too Much Good Stuff

in today's news. Can't focus. So I'm gonna puke it all up on the page for you:

1) The "Runaway Bride" - from today's AP story:

"By all accounts, authorities in Albuquerque befriended the woman.
Wilbanks boarded her plane wearing a new
FBI hat, blazer, polo shirt and pants and carrying a new tote bag and teddy bear, a gift from the aviation police chief. She flew first-class — thanks to tickets bought by her parents — and said she planned to name the bear "Al," for Albuquerque."

This crazy bitch runs away, lies about being kidnapped diverting half the cops in Georgia from doing real work, and somebody gave her a fucking teddy bear? Are you kidding? Do you think some reporter asked the question, "So, Jennifer, what are you gonna name the bear?" Here's to hoping she and the bear spend the next year in jail curled up with cellmate Bertha.

2) Paris Hilton Inc. There are so many great tidbits in this story, that you should definitely read it all. My favorite:

Fuck. I just looked again, and I can't pick a favorite! There are so many hilarious paragraphs I could cut and paste from that story that I must simply insist you read the entire thing. Let me know your favorite 'graph in the comments. My favorite CONCEPT from the story - Lil Jon producing Paris's upcoming album.

" WHAAATT??!"

No, seriously. I'm not making that up.