Thursday, July 21, 2005

Happy Belated Bangkok


Monkey Sex
Originally uploaded by LiAps.

Sorry folks. I took a little hiatus from blogging. I should be caned. But I have been taking photos and scribbling little notes in my journal, like a good 15-year-old girl (Does he like me like me, or just like me?!?!?!?!), so once I get home, after I sleep for 4 days or so, I should be able to catch you up right quick. Here goes Bangkok, which will span several posts, no doubt.

Now, the picture above was actually taken at Batu Caves outside Kuala Lumpur, but I thought it appropriate, as it depicts monkey sex, which made up a large part of what I was forced to endure during my weekend in Bangkok.

After arriving in Bangkok, and taking what I'm told is the cheapest cab ride ever from the airport to my hotel, I knew I had some time to kill before Monkey arrived. I also knew that, to the extent I wanted to see any actual historical/sightseeing type things, I better get it done before he arrived, since Monkey's theory on Bangkok is, "If it doesn't have tits, I don't need to see it."

So I headed for the Grand Palace. The way to get there from my hotel was to take the SkyTrain to one of the river boats. Which I did. The boats are notoriously cheap. I believe the ride I took cost 7 baht. For everyone but me. Somehow, I swear, they charged me about 50 baht. Which is still only $1.25, but it was unreal.

Got off at the pier and headed for the Palace, and just as promised in the book, there were a whole bunch of con-artists trying to convice me the palace was the opposite way, and/or that it was closed. And I spent a good 5 minutes talking to one of them. Because it took me that long to cross the street. But, nevertheless, I made it to the Grand Palace. It was so damn hot that I can't begin to describe to you how much I was sweating. I know that's already a theme of these entries, but it's just so true. I thought "Biloxi Blues" was a good movie, and I have used the phrase "Africa Hot" for years. But henceforth, I will have to substitute "Southeast Asia Hot." And not even the worst August day wating for the subway will qualify.

But I did the Grand Palace in the ridiculous heat. I'm not sure how much of the Palace I saw. The grounds are huge, and consist of a lot of really ornate buildings, some of which are temples and such. I just wandered around, delirious like Chevy Chase trudging through the desert in "Vacation" (though I didn't put mu pants on my head, as that's considered disrespectful in religious places), taking some pictures and sweating more. Honestly, the palace stuff was amazing and beautiful. Some of my pics, I think, came out OK, and perhaps I'll post some later.

After wandering the Palace grounds for a few hours, I decided that there was nothing else in the general area that I needed to see so badly, so I would head back in the general area of the hotel to wander a bit more and enjoy some AC while waiting for Monkey to arrive. I ended up talking to these two cute American girls who were doing a 3-week Thailand trip. They were 18 and 20. Wow am I old. I helped them make sure they got off the boat at the right place, but couldn't help them further once we got on the train, since they had no idea what stop to get off at for their hotel. Young, cute and dumb - perfect!

When I got back to the area of my hotel, I was starving, and knew I couldn't wait for Monkey to arrive to eat. But I was also so hot and tired I couldn't put a lot of effort into figuring out where to go. Which is how I ended up in the food court of the mall across the street, where I had the WORST PAD THAI EVER!!!! In fucking Thailand. I've had better pad thai in shitty restaurants in Atlanta, for Chrissakes. I think they made it shitty for me purposely. I guess I can't complain too loud, since it cost the equivalent of 75 cents, but it was kind of depressing.

Even in my semi-decent hotel, there were more than a few Western guys with young Thai "companions" walking around. Nobody even blinks about that shit over there. Still, NONE FOR ME. I don't do hookers. Chilled for a while, showered and shaved, and hoped that Monkey would show me a rockin' Friday night in Bangkok. Because who knows better than Monkey where the girlz is at??