I'll Wait 'Til They Send Out Vinnie

Apologies to all my friends who work for Sprint, but these people are ridiculous. I discontinued my service with them about a year ago. They were so bad that I actually willingly paid the early termination fee to switch to Verizon. A few months after I paid my final bill, including that fee, I started getting invoices showing a past due amount of $47 and change. Now, I pay all my bills, in full, every month, and know that I had no "past due" amount. I called customer service and told them this, asking them to explain to me how, exactly, they figured I owed them this money. Their answer was, more or less, "because my computer says so." My computer often tells me there are "Sexy 19-year-old Virgins Who Want [My] Cock Deep In All Their Holes." That doesn't make it true.

I told the various reps and supervisor that I simply wasn't going to pay a bill just because they said so, and I wanted an itemized description of the charges. None ever came.

About 4 months ago, I started getting calls at work and home from a collections agency about my "debt" to Sprint. I told the one agent I spoke to that the debt was disputed, and, when I got a notice in the mail, sent back a letter officially informing the agency of the dispute, and demanding, pursuant to the federal Fair Debt Collection Practices Act, that the agency cease all attempts to contact me by phone and provide me with a "verification" of the alleged debt. I never heard from them again.

Apparently, Sprint turned the account over to the heavy hitters, Allied Interstate, a company so good at what it does, that the Minnesota Attorney General filed suit against it on behalf of the citizens of his state being repeatedly harassed by these jackasses. While the brief conversation I had with one of the reps this morning wasn't nearly as good as some of the ones described in the complaint, I told this guy that the debt was disputed and that I would send them a letter saying so if they would send me something in writing. His response:

"All this over $47? Why don't you let go of your principles here and get this taken care of today?"

Uh, you mean the principle where I don't hand over money just because someone asks for it? Thanks, but I think I'll stick to that one.

I explained further that Sprint had so far been unable to explain to me the derivation of the $47 "debt," and that I'd gladly take a look at an itemized bill if someone would provide me with one. He said:

"Well I'm sure they're not making it up. If they were making it up, they could've made it $400 or $4000!"

Oh, so I should be grateful the phantom debt is two digits instead of four, and pay on that basis. I don't think so.

This pisses me off, because I have near perfect credit. For a very good reason - I pay all bills, in full, on time, always. And these morons know this. The guy said "You're gonna ruin your credit over $47?"

I don't want to ruin my credit, and in the grand scheme of things, $47 is not worth fighting about. But maybe it is a question of principles. Not to mention that there are much better ways I could spend that $47.

So bring it, Sprint!