Take Me MuthaFuckin' Uptown

The Slavedrivers for whom I work provide a few of what the kids these days call "perks."  For instance, the car service.  Because I left work a bit before midnight tonight (having arrived 15 1/2 hours earlier), I was entitled to ride home in the air-conditioned comfort of a Lincoln Town Car.  I have friends with different jobs that still think this is one of the coolest things ever.  Needless to say, I'll trade my midnight car ride for the subway at rush hour any day.  Why?  Because rush hour happens SEVEN HOURS EARLIER.

Having ridden home like a King all too often in my four years of indentured servitude, I've developed an entire list of pet peeves related solely to the car service drivers.  Tonight was the smorgasbord of things I hate.  The guy who drove me home took a route that could have made sense only to Rube Goldberg.  Then, having already gone way the hell out of the way, he missed a turn that even he had to admit he should have made.  He was also TWO kinds of bad driver - the swerving, makes me wanna puke kind (I had a girlfriend once upon a time who used to get carsick religiously, but it takes a lot to get to me) AND the in no hurry despite the fact that there's open road ahead and it's fucking midnight and I want to get home kind.  Enough already.  But no, he was also the guy who needs to make conversation.  I'm never rude (and some people are - it's unbelievable how I've seen some of the partners talk to drivers and other lower life forms), but I try to give 2 word answers to make clear that I'm really not interested in chatting.  This guy did not get it.  We talked about such pleasant topics as video games, how hard it is to make money, and how I'm not married ("Oh," he said, "not ready to be tied up yet, hahaha." Well, actually, it's been quite some time since I've been tied up, and I AM ready to try it again, but thanks for reminding me.)  He recommended, for someone like us, with "strange schedules," a dating service, which is where he "got his wife," who he referred to as "a pretty good one." 

All things being equal, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.

Bonus points for anyone who can identify the artist from whose track the title of the post comes.