And They All Laughed At Me

when I said that I had a perfectly good reason for dressing up like a cheerleader.

Gimme a B! Gimme a U! Gimme an S! Gimme a T! Gimme a "Cap in Yo Ass!"

Proved Me Wrong

And I didn't think the Governator would get anything useful done while in office. Don't I feel like a jackass.

I can hear him saying it in my head: "evolff and pur-fect a humaine vay for a duk to coanzoom grain to eencrease de saize of eets leever through nat-ural processes."

Awesome.

Perspective

on how much life I'm missing primarily (though I'm sure not entirely) because of my job:

1) I realized today that I hadn't visited the NY Times online for several weeks. During times of normalcy (rare as they are), I go there about 50 times a day.

2) I bought myself a basketball a while back thinking that I would a) love to play a bit with some friends if I could convince any of them to do so, and b) love to just go shoot around on the courts in the projects a couple of blocks from me (only at times when there was no chance a serious game would develop, of course). That basketball has been dribbled twice inside my apartment, and otherwise gotten no use whatsoever. I started a new book yesterday and needed a bookmark. As it happened, the piece of paper I grabbed was the receipt for, inter alia, that basketball. May 1. I bought that basketball May 1. Do you know how long ago that was?? Almost 5 months. Sick. That's what it is and that's what it makes me.

Where's Calgon when you need it?

Prereqs

For those of you considering nominating a friend (or yourself) for the position of Mrs. LiAps (or even LiAps's girlfriend), which position is still very very vacant, please note: any eligible candidate must at the very least tolerate, but preferably condone and even smile at, my tendency to rip off chunks of unsliced bread products, rather than using a knife to cut neatly.

Oh, and a keen interest in oral sex (giving AND receiving) wouldn't hurt either.

Real post to come after this weekend. At which point I'll be a year older. Wiser? Nah.

Hey

Work is insane right now. I've been in borderline complete breakdown stage this week. Despite promising myself several times over the years that I wasn't going to let this job do that to me anymore. I'm done. Not done like going to walk in and quit tomorrow, though I'd love to. But done like I've really made my peace with leaving. The remaining questions, as discussed with my dad a little while ago, are how many and which of the above are necessary requirements - leaving current job, leaving New York, leaving law altogether. I don't know the answer. Perhaps in November I'll have time to think about it. And to blog more. Blogmore. That could be a college somewhere. Maybe I'll be Dean of Admissions. Yes, that's my new job - Dean of Admissions at Blogmore U. We only acceot tuition payments in cash.

Good Wood

This is a picture of a downed tree I took while hiking just outside Vegas last month. The trail we (that's me, Little Pinz, and James and Kimberly of furdell.com) hiked was called Mary Jane Falls. It was pretty steep for people like me who are totally out of shape. As we got to the top, it began. A hailstorm of biblical proportions. (Maybe advance smiting for my complete ignorance of Rosh Hashanah tonight) It was hailing hard - the ice was big and it hurt. I was most worried about my camera of course, but it seems to have survived.

I'll be back in Vegas for part of this weekend. The story behind this trip is bizarre, to say the least. I hope to be able to report afterwards that it was a grand success all around; things much more important than my gambling luck are at stake for people important to me. That makes it sound too serious. Let's just say one of my best friends is pulling a move that I think nobody but he could get away with. That's one of the many reasons I love him.

What else is going on in the world? Anybody?? I'm kind of blah right now - not motivated to think up anything clever to write about, not even motivated enough to bitch about anything. Maybe because I think I'm getting a cold. Starting last night, my throat has been absolutely killing me. That's usually how colds start for me. Had canned chicken soup for dinner. So insufficient. Not too long ago, somebody brought me chicken soup, unsolicited, when I said I was feeling shitty. I was not appreciative. In fact, I was downright rude. I deserve a beatdown.

Plan B

That beautiful blond girl is my friend Melissa, who I had the pleasure of hanging out with not once, but twice while I was in San Francisco the other week. When we were in College together, we made a pact. If neither of us was married by a certain age, we'd just give up and marry each other. I'm not positive, but I really really think that age might have been 28. I turn 29 in just under 3 weeks. The guy in front of Melissa - her husband (a really nice guy who I happen to like a lot). Probably wouldn't have worked out anyway; she turned into a vegetarian somewhere along the way.

I really like the long boardwalk extending way out into the Baylands. That was the main point of the picture and the post. Gotta go to bed; need to be in court in the morning. To sit quietly and watch a partner argue a summary judgment motion I wrote. Nonstop fizzun.

Look Out World

Check out this T-Shirt I just bought at the Street Fair on 6th Avenue!! How sweet is that?? I also bought a grilled ear of corn, a sausage and peppers hero, and two mini pies (Apple Crumb and Sweet Potato), as well as some irregular plain white undershirts. Favorite thing seen at the fair - the following sign on one of the food booths: "Vegetarian on Pita!" I always tell all my veg friends it's a dangerous way of life.

I Always Say

Don't fuck with Pup. Seriously, if anybody deserved to be shot, it's this guy. Jackass.

Upcoming Events

1) My birthday ( in early October). I neither expect nor want a Dastardesque blogland tribute. But, if you're considering gift ideas, may I point you here? What could be better than hours upon hours of hilarious practical jokes being played -- by none other than that rascal Charlie Chase himself -- exclusively on country music stars?? Not a whole lot I reckon! It's "Punk'd," Nashville style!! Yee Haw!!

2) A major decision in one of my huge cases (coming down today, as confirmed by judge's clerk last evening). We're talking about a case to which I've devoted a substantial portion of my time over the past 3 years. Best guess is that we will get some but not all of the claims dismissed. There's a lot of wiggle room there. Could be a huge celebration or could be an indicator that the torture will continue (and be ramped up in the coming weeks). One way or the other, I'd likely be drunk tonight if I didn't have tickets to the U.S. Open.

3) The apocalypse (sometime soon). How do I know? Saw a white guy driving an Escalade this morning.

Just Don't Do It

Promise me. Cause if I find out any of you fished from those pipes, beatdown.

Still Lazy

Too lazy even to find a better picture than this one of flowers from Bermuda. I'm going to bed soon. Too much family in the past 2 days. Haven't had a chance to recover from my trip. That's my plan for tomorrow. I am NOT going in to work, despite the fact that I really have a lot of bullshit paperwork to catch up on - timesheets, T&Es. Crap. Instead, I'm going to bed soon. I'm going to get up and go for a run. Which should take me about 15 minutes, because I don't think in my current shape I could run any longer if I were being chased. Clean up my apartment, maybe do laundry, catch up with some friends I haven't seen in a month. Then spend the evening being nauseous knowing I have to go to work Tuesday. On the bright side, Tuesday is my firm softball team's second playoff game. They won one without me. Shocking. I don't care what kind of work they pile on me, I'm playing.

Goodnight everybody.

This Is The Thing

that fell on me as I was sitting by the pool one day in Hawaii. It hit me in the ribs, and is heavier than it looks. I had played around with the picture using the Nikon software and made it look a lot better, but can't figure out how to get that version posted to the blog. So deal.

I'm home. Finally. I had pretty much forgotten what my apartment looks like. I know I had things to post about, but I'm still tired and lazy. And trying to deal with the fact that being back means I have to deal with my life again. Things like figuring out what to do with myself, whether I want to leave NY when my lease is up at the end of March, and if so, where to go and what to do once I get there. Just not in the mood for that. I spent the day yesterday with my family, which is a whole 'nother set of issues I don't want to deal with right now. So, like all responsible adults, I decided I'd just bet on Syracuse in the football game that's on right now. They're underdogs, but I figured they could cover. Didn't realize they'd be starting a true freshman QB who was playing HS ball at this time last year. I should so know better by now.

In a sense, it's good to be home. More pictures (don't worry Sloth, I don't think I'll be any competition for your Slothograph online gallery) and words to come.

For Non-Peon Kate





I promise I'll have real posts, as well as some more pictures, over the weekend. But this is long overdue. Told you it's not such a great shot. I couldn't find a Hawaii Snow Globe, Kate. I swear I tried. Not every store in Honolulu, but a couple. So just picture me in a grass skirt drowning in a glitter-filler bubble. That's a Halloween idea.

Governor Foxworthy

Who else loved Arnold's speech?? "Eef you belieef dat I am at all qvalified to be ze governor of Kalifoorneea, you might be a Republican." He also managed to work in "Girlie Man," "Terminate," and "I'll be back." Awesome, awesome, awesome.

So frightening to see all these old women yelling and screaming for Arnold and W. They were actually chanting "4 More Years." Not just old women. All kinds of people (and I watched the replay of the speeches on Fox News, just for kicks - they definitely showed each and every black person in the audience when Arnold mentioned Nelson Mandela. Very subtle guys. Good job). Who in their right mind could want 4 more years with this moron in charge of the country?

I'd get with Jenna though. Too bad I'm not in NY to try to hook that up.

SF Props

How fickle of me. Wasn't I just crying about this city? IF you are gonna be here (or live here), please eat at my new favorite restaurant. And go see my friend's band.

Back to work.